Wishing to be Right Again
Wishing to feel alright again. I danced and danced and danced and was reminded over and over and over again: the upmost importance of living consciously. Of living aware and open and true, of tuning into the highest light. The highest frequency I can access and living form this space within each and every breath, each and every moment, it opens up the space. The space to clean my kitchen, the space to dance and to release and to speak freely. It opens up the space to witness and to observe and to know and to call forth the help and assistance that I need. To end this cycle, to start something new. To bring in more of this, to close out more of that.
From the vulnerable spaces, the mid air fall, the relaxing softhearted openings, I learn that I am doing the very best that I can. When conscious, when present, when grounded and clear and listening. Each moment is the prayer that gets me through the thicket. Each word, each uncomfortable step, is the passageway into all that’s new.
It’s like the weeklong molt of a tarantula. Will it survive? It has for this long, it has and it continues its graceful and delicate process of shedding the old skin, of building a new body, and of coming forth and out into the new life. Though it’s still the same as the old, now the body is reborn. It takes time to settle. It takes time to reintegrate itself with this world, for its new being is freshly born, like the soft skin of a baby. But this body will suit it better, for it simply was its time, it simply was its time to shed and to build something entirely new. Stepping out into the abyss, stepping out into the unknown, time and time and time again because my soul simply cannot hold back. My soul simply cannot stay in place. My soul simply cannot conform or stay stuck or stagnant any longer. A relationship built upon an intuitive knowing that it would never serve me to the fullest is one that is bound to fall. A connection that seemed like it was bursting with potential only from the energy I gave froth to it, with the rose over my eyelids, is one that could have never survived. One built upon mutual need. Is one that does not cause the soul to grow, to evolve, because it becomes dependent. Only the things that truly push us out of our places of stagnancy will help us to rise. No matter how uncomfortable or painful it may seem. It’s because the light is coming forth from within now. To make the picture clearer. To help us to see with wide open eyes and tender loving hearts. To see what really matters to us, what really will keep us full. For the short and the long term.
It’s none of what’s outside of us. It’s all what’s within. It’s the cat that sits on my legs as I write this. The warmth he shares with me without condition. I know that one day he will die and he will be gone but for now he is here with me and this is what it’s all for. It’s the cloud speckled sky, it’s the setting sun. It’s my heart that draws meaning between all of these things. It’s the warmth and it’s the tenderness that is shared, that is brought forth from a place within that was once so desolate end empty that no love seemed to ever be able to grow. And now, and now, I watch as it thrives. I watch as it flourishes. I watch as the seeds I have planted grow strong and sturdy and tall and soon will grow fruit. I see the light coming forth and up from within. I see that I am free and always have been and this is freedom. This is freedom.
The tears that could not fall yesterday now come streaming out of me. Life is full of vibrancy. It is rich again. There is purpose in my life again for I finally have the direction. I finally feel the motive. It’s a full body remembering again, and it can never be taken from me for it comes from within. It comes from within.
From presence, from patience, from being in it no matter how painful. From witnessing and sending and choosing love, choosing light, choosing to live from the heart over and over and over again even when it all seems to crash down around, when you don’t know who to trust and you don’t know where to go. Choosing to love again, to open up again. To be open and loving and kind again. To see the goodness in all again, this is why we do it. This is why we go forth. To live with presence is to choose the present prayer. What is it that you would like to create, what is it that your heart has always dreamed of. You know it within you for you feel it within you. Take the leap and you will be supported. You are supported because you are reading these words, you are here with your soul now. You are here with your purpose, your destiny. Everything you’ve always dreamed of. It’s yours and it’s true.
Trust love, trust your inner wisdom. And keep taking the steps forward. Present. Aligned, balanced, centered and clear. To bring forth the life you can feel. The life that wants you. The life your future self is already living.
Fear is of the ego, love is of the soul. Ask for fear to be dissolved and clarity to be restored and it shall be. Ask and you shall receive. I love you. Keep trusting.
