When chaos and fear is thick like molasses

What do we do? Can we simply breathe our way through? But what of all the other things, the this and the that and the other. What about the things we feel like weigh us down, what about the unpredictability of it, what really is certain, when my cells are vibrating so fast it’s hard for them to sit still long enough for me to exhale. So I simply let it be. And my body responds and my breath finds itself and my center recalibrates and now there is the threatening sensation of tears. Of energy being released. Of a heart coming home a place within my body. My body, a body that knows what to do. Hands that know how to heal. Feet that know how to dance. Yet what about everything it is that I don’t know? What about everything it is that seems desolate and empty and so foreign and strange and unsure. The things that make me wish to hide away and lock the door and go under the covers, yet I can never seem to escape, for I keep seeming to wake up the next day and the darkness feels like it’s all within and there’s no one to rub my back this time. What then? When it doesn’t seem to go away? And the heart still beats and it’s so steady and it’s so strong and it’s so centered and it’s so true and so damn beautiful. And so now I bless these tears for bringing me back home. And yes, I am sorry that this seems to happen every day, but I am learning or something of the sorts. With curiosity and courage and a willingness to explore. I am coming home to all the different facets of my being. All the different expressions and dimensions and ways and places to explore and why is feeling these feelings something that feels like it brings me back. Back to this moment. Back to the present, back to my body back to the knowingness. The understanding that there is much going on. There is so much so much so much going on so I simply choose to tune and to focus on what it is that I can focus on. My path or whatever. What lights me up. What fills me with joy and presence and love and knowingness that all is okay. That it’s all okay. That it’s all okay.

To take a break, to step to the side, to ask for help, to know that we’re not in things alone. That support, especially inner support is always here for us. Divine love. Divine understanding. Divine grace and alignment and peace. And it encourages us to go where feels fun. Where feels free yet also where feels good for our bodies. Where feels good for our souls and don’t worry, for you need not make any decisions yet. But what I want is to just be held. To just be held. To just be held and to be put back together again. Whole and true and clear this time. I want to know love wherever it is that I am. Everywhere it is that I am. Here and now or there or over there. Some options feel like safety. Some feel like the unknown. Some feel like trying to hold on so tightly when all I wish for is the release. The grounded and stable release. The patient and loving part. The one that is gentle and kind and supportive and easy. The one that feels like breathing in a field of wild flowers. Underneath a mountain, with a creek going by. This is what I yearn for, this is what I cultivate. This inner ease, this inner love. This inner sanctuary. And from here, from a body that now feels at peace, I go forth and I decide.