The leap
The great leap into the unknown. The finding of my courage and stepping off the ledge. Knowing that I am safe safe safe so safe to fall. That I will be supported and I will be caught. It felt uncomfortable in my bones. To just sit, to just be. I yearned for someone to come cook for me, to make it all better. To help me sit in place, or move, or something to transform and transmute all the energy into something else. For inside of me it burned and it smoldered and it threatened to consume me. Emotions upon emotions, layers and layers and layers and a seemingly endless brigade of more things to sort through. More files and more tales. More memories. My back hurt, I felt tired, I felt weak. I felt like I had carried the weight of a 1000 worlds on my shoulders for decades and I just wanted rest. Deep, sweet, total and complete rest. I wanted someone to carry the weight for me, I wanted someone to take it from me and to help me to know that it’s not something I need to carry on with. That it’s safe and fine to let go. That all is well now, that the gardens of Eden surround me and the light is abundant here. That there’s no weight to carry for we walk upon the earth with gentle steps, the angels hold us up. We move with grace, with overflow with gratitude and it is authentic and felt and true. In this dream reality, all is well, all is light. We are safe from the penetrating darkness. We are safe from the heaviness and burdens of our forefathers. We are safe from carrying all the stresses of the old. All the immense pressure of what once was.
Bright and string and clear and true, this is what I dream of. This is what I yearn for. My friends surly are dreamers. I see it in what lights them up. I see it in their eyes. My friends are also preparers, they know what’s in the horizon for they have had their feet in the dirt. They know what’s to expect they know that’s to come. My friends are lovers and visionaries and scholars, my friends are dedicated to the pursuit of lifelong learning. Of knowledge, of wisdom. My friends are intelligent and kind and wise and nurturing and supportive and grounded and protective of those in need, my friends are good hearted folk. My friends know what’s true and they stand by it. My friends link arms with all other good hearted folk and see the potential for greatness within all. My friends are lovers, my friends are dreamers. My friends are my family and my family is my glue.
The glue that put my heart back together, the glue that encouraged me to live. The glue that made me want to keep on keeping on. The glue that encouraged and motivated me to keep learning, keep trying, keep getting up every time I fell down. My friends are the glue that seal the cracks in a waterproof suit that’s let in too much rain, my friends are the buffer between me and the all. I could stay within, I could play my role, yet out there, out there the water calls to me. It has since I’ve been small. Like Moana, I always come back to the water, no matter how hard I try.
The water is destiny, and the chills upon my upper back and spine are my confirmation. Water is my eternal flow, water is soul memory. Water is progress and water is movement, water is communication beyond words, water is what brings us together and helps us step over the edge of the unknown. Water is what guides and steers and helps us bring family together, two into one. The eternal sun down into our cells. Into our bodies.
You see me dancing wherever I am, it’s like playing in the waves and you watch me through it all. Unflinching in your gaze you never turned away, though I would squirm and squeal, you held me there trapped as if a fish in a net, yet free like you cut a hole and opened up the entire sea.
A friend knows me to my bones, she watches me change and transform and grow. She supports me within all decisions it is that I make. I notice how life comes back to me, I notice how brightness and play and exuberance fills my bones as I lean in, as I lean into the bright and clear crystalline warm waters. The waters of the tropics, full of beautiful fish and life and magic. Full of possibilities, full of endless energy and creation, full of warmth I’ve always yearned for, full of divinity.
Writing from a place up in the Northwoods, with winter coming and a coldness in my bones, the idea of such pleasantry seems almost absurd, lavish, entirely rich. Yet the infinite part of me knows that love and potential know no bounds. That anything is possible when created in alignment with Divine will, which is why the call has come back, stronger and clearer this time, which is why the trumpets will never cease to play, which is why dance and song and grounded movement, why food and prayer and honesty and heart led connection will never end. Why traveling through the woods together will always bring clarity, because within all of this is the magic behind words. Within each moment is the power of pure creation. Within each breath is something that sparks life to the darkest and most seemingly desolate of places. Where love never seemed possible to grow, within this light, it prospers, within this love, it flourishes. Within it expands and it excels and it creates something entirely new, something entirely rooted within soul. A pathway and passage for endless love. For sustained family. For nourishing warmth. For depth beyond measure that is so safe to explore, that is never traversed alone unless that is the desire if the soul.
Family is the motive, family is the goal. Through our becoming, through our opening. Through our honesty, our listening, our devotion, our commitment to love, it comes forth. It unfolds. It prospers. This is the game of the long haul, and this is the one we’ve already mastered. This is the life we’ve already won. Because in it, we have each other. In each other, we have ourselves. And in ourselves we know that we are whole, complete, and entirely worthy of living this life beyond our wildest imaginings.
It is so. And it is done.
