Authentic authenticity
To write, to share and to speak everything it is that you feel, everything it is that you know, everything it is that goes on within you without holding back, to know that you are the prize, you are the prize you are the prize. The answers always come from deep within. They come from the space of silence, they come from the listening, they come from knowing that you are the master. I write to myself and I write to the parts of me that have been scattered and fragmented. Broken off into 10,000 shards of glass and crystal. Sharp and bloody. Clean and buried. They are around, and I gather them all back home to me and refill the space within my chest. I put back together my heart with tedious, tender and tired hands. Why the pain? I ask, As I carefully craft the elixir of healing. Why go through any of it all…
I sat by the fire and I proclaimed “I think I have had a broken heart my entire life” no one needs to understand it but me, that’s why I kept trying to sell and get rid of and sacrifice parts of my soul. Continue on with the spread of the shattering. For it takes something like hope, something like love to want to collect it all and bring it all back into place. To want to form and create something beautiful from the mold of the old. Or instead to take all the scattered parts and instead choose and decide to make something entirely new, that’s what we’re here for isn’t it, something entirely new? or maybe what we’re here for is what is as old as time. It’s love itself, it’s the power of creation. It’s a body to hold, it’s pure and it’s real and it’s unrestrained and it dies and is reborn and does not hold back. It sees the whole scope. A life transformed into a palindrome, the snake eats itself and the cycle continues and maybe what we’re here for is not to push past this part but instead to be in it. Be in it fully, completely and unrestrained, a friendship that tells you how it is. One of the flesh and the bone and the heart. That holds up the view of something always getting better, yet how can we truly know that? How can we truly see that when we’re amidst it all? When the water around us is cold and dark and deep. When the promise of a tropical land with warm sand and abundant fruit and life and love seems all like a memory and figment of the mind, a mirage, created to ensure we do not just breathe in the cold water and let our lungs burn and float down down down to the immoral grave below.
How do we ensure that we are making the right moves and taking the right steps, when all just feels empty and hollow? The shallow grave of a child, one never even laid to rest before their body was snatched and taken with the rest. How can a mother ever find peace without a body to cry over? A corpse to mourn? Where does one send their tears? Unless into the cold hard earth. How can one imagine an island of tropical release with such dirt covering their knees, hands bloodied and raw from pummeling the space of no return, will her soul ever return? Or will it be left here in the lands of decrepit waste. Nuclear fallout and a clock that stands still. The only consistent is the heart that beats like a steady war drum. Over and over and over. We’ve entered the space where the abyss makes itself known. To stand in the edge of eternity, raw, open and unsure, only certain of one thing: that life shall prevail. For if this heartbeat finds its mortal end, it shall come back, time and time and time again, until all scattered pieces are recovered. Until the crystal and glass heart is put back together again. Until is complete in the flesh. Until each thread is sewn with golden light and love overflows to fill the night, no longer a story of cold dark regret, its now become something we surly cannot forget. For this tale is one beyond the page, its the wind in our sails, its our central stage. We stand on the bridge of no return, we let go our senses, we live what we have learned. And from these past lives, these stories of old, we go forth with graciousness. Surrendered, with patience, we watch it unfold.
From darkness comes light, for from this space we discover what we’ve always truly yearned for. From the deepest cells in our bodies, we learn what we came here to create. From deepest pain comes eternal salvation. From the place of not knowing, we truly and finally discover: all is well, we are safe, and love prevails, eternally and for forever.
And so it is.
