Sisters and my brothers, it’s a good day
A good day to see my favorite colors, and a good day to breathe and a good day to just be, to relax into the softness of knowing that love is all around. Settle into the peace that life is finally beginning to find its meaning again, life is finally showing its routes and passageways of light again, of feeling, of bone deep understandings. Of being alone out in the void and having a hand reach out. Of having a strong and tender hand reach out and hold the space between where my body ends and all other things begin. A void, an aura of disappearance, a dissolving of body and flesh into abyss. Yet a heart still beating within the darkness.
There’s questions, is it real? What to trust? Where to lean? Where to go?
I pull myself back to center again and again, yet my body feels softer and my system feels likes it’s found it’s easier place in this world, one where mistakes are okay and forgiveness will always find its way forward. My body yearns to rest deeply and resting deeply is finding its way forward to the center of my heart, to the center of my soul, the kinda rest that comes through releasing into arms fit for love, fit for care, fit for support and a carrying of the weight of the world on mutual shoulders, we hold it together, and together it becomes easy, it isn’t as dark as it once was. Days don’t seem to dredge on, mornings awake to a brightness, a gentle touch, and true care. Somehow the blind man can still feel the sun. And darkness isn’t the only thing surrounding, it’s an honest and curious exploration of the unknown, a desire to push to the edge, to meet the light, to greet the limit and let the bands snap so something entirely new can be created.
A fresh chapter, a whole new story, a great adventure.
My mind wonders and wanders, it questions, it asks, of the truth, if things can all be transformed, if the ailments of the old world will continue to consume. If the wounds will continue to reach for the quick fixes or if the love of this great newness will be able to sustain and change everything within, so lightness can be the guide and ease as the new path.
My body, my aching heart reaches out for the old. The old ways, the old story, the thing that hurt over and over and over again, thinking maybe if I get close enough then the wounds will heal, that maybe if I get right up close to the cause of it all, then the pain will suffice for I will be able to look it directly in the face and love it in full, as if I can give all of my love away and then the pain inside will dissolve like salt in water. My heart speaks that if I only feel it more, feel it fuller, feel it deeper, keep pressing my thumb into the bruise that maybe I’ll get to the root of what caused it all. Maybe I’ll get to the reason, maybe I’ll find my answers, maybe I’ll discover and then the pain will no longer linger. Yet, to push farther and deeper into a wound doesn’t allow it to heal, it only continues and perpetuates the pain, it extends out the healing process. My mind yearns to just jump in and have it hurt the most now so that the healing can be swift and easy, though harsh and painful, yet healing does not happen through the workings of the mind, it happens through the surrendering of the body, the releasing into peace, the opening into spaciousness where all healing can occur, where magic and light have their ways, where they work together in harmony with an open mind and heart and resting body. I believed I deserved the pain. I believed it was my duty to continue it, yet, now as the final lock on the door is taken off, I learn that I was wrong.
At last, my love has come along. And these lonely days are over. And life is like a song.
