Now my bad times are better than my good times used to be

Where I feel like a dead weight, when I feel like a total and complete collapse, when I feel exhausted and tired and at the end of my line, what do I do?

I have been in the habit of keeping on, not giving up, clearing myself from the roots down, head up, shoulders back, breath moving. It helps, it gets things flowing, yet what about when there are things that are demanded of me? Responsibilities and expectations and needs? When I have to show up even when I feel like falling apart at the seams. Do I still go to that party that I said I would go to? Do I still go to work? Do I still keep my focus and my dedication? I have and I do, but by and by, Lord, I am tired. And I don’t seem to know what to do, because it feels like this battle I keep fighting, the one I have not given up on, given into, giving into the falling apart and decomposing. I have kept on. Rooting downwards and breathing deeper. And knowing that there is clarity on the other side, there is clarity within every moment of presence, here is a brighter world in the future, there is a brighter world right here, right now even though it all feels congested and dense around. I know myself when I exert this effort, when I continue onward, even with a schedule full and the weight upon my back. I carry onward and I do not give up. For giving up means falling into realities and through thorns that are not of truth, giving up feels like giving into the systems that tear us apart and cause us to suffer, the systems that are built to make us break and to turn against one another. Falling feels like letting these in and allowing them to take over my mind and body. This is not the truth of what lives within my cells though. My cells know the truth of clarity, of justice, of peace, of love, of slowness and rest and action and patience. My cells know the workings of magic, the real kind that allows us to call into the picture realities that are full of prosperity and worlds of thriving for all. My cells know all that has been buried and all that has been lost over thousands of years of slavery and colonization and patriarchy and hate. Ignorance and injustice and a stripping away of empathy of all parties. My cells know this truth, and they also know the truth that lives buried deeper. The truth of miracles crafted from our own very hands, lives of true sustained happiness, of world building and future weaving, and the healing of all lives past, present, and future. My true self knows this, my most grounded and whole self. And this is why I fight, this is what I fight for. I hold my consciousness in the places that remind me of this truth, even when the systems that wish to strip me of humanity try and tear me down. Still, I refocus and I ground deeper and I send my roots to the core, to the center. And damn, oh damn, do I feel tired, but I will not give up, because I know that I can come home and rest later, and that is the greatest gift of all. Life will unfold for me in an increasingly positive way as I continue to focus on the core truth within all things, while staying aware of all else that exists at its same moment. It’s training a muscle I have been working on for lifetimes and one that I won’t submit to yet continue to hone and master. I will rest this muscle when the time is necessary for my body to recharge, but until that moment, I will carry onward. I will breathe deeper, and I will keep my head held high and my eyes clearly seeing.

I am with you, and you are not alone in what you are experiencing. Do not give up, do not give in, keep focusing, keep training, keep going forth in the pursuit of what your heart’s deepest call brings to you. Do not submit or bow to the things that seek to disempower you, but instead rise in their wake and watch as they crumble away.

Keep going, keep breathing, and do not give up, my friend. Love will always find a way. I love you without end. You are not alone. We are in this together. Eternally.