I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die.

Some words feel tight around my throat, some ideas, some realities. Still we sink in, still I type, still we read and we go forward, deeper, into truth. Letting the wild wolves of the soul be free, the ones that know magic, that know justice, that know peace, harmony, prosperity, abundance, and joy for all. The hands that know and do not stop going even when the mind says it needs to slow down. The authentic voice, the kind voice, the one of honesty and care, the one that knows empowerment and discipline and the reason to keep going. The voice that knows the power of finding the center, the root, the core, the truth, and living there. Planting a seed and guiding the awareness down down down past all the doubt and all the fear and all the worry, deeper through the hells into the place of peace. Of quiet, of a night to relax, a friend, a boundary, and an honest reflection.

There’s routes and there’s rerouting and then there’s the truth, and there’s the path that feels like home, that feels clear amidst all of the noise, the voice of the heart, that wants a cigarette but even more than that wants to keep typing. Wants to also rise past the vice, there’s the path of the spider, the web that I have woven time and time and time again, to a point of service to others and to myself. To knowing that it’s okay to choose me, I am proud of that choice. Of choosing me over and over and over again. Choosing the love within me and what it is that makes my heart sing, because it’s in harmony with the birds and with the trees and with the deep deep deep oceans. This voice within me, this truth of me is kind, is brave, is courageous. Knows that she has lived countless lives, in this world and in the next and next and the next, all the others that are living paralleled to this one, or the ones behind or the ones in front. All the lives that know suffering and that lives that know peace. The lives that know the reality of the situation at hand and the ones that drift away from it. I know them all, but I know the one that is on her highest path the most. The path that has a focal point, a discipline and a purpose. The path that faces and cares for and nurtures and helps empower and teach and guide all the other parts of me into wholeness, into freedom. Wolves that want to look away from the hunter and instead run into the sunset. The parts of me that know love is real and will find me and that I do not need to be afraid.

I do not need to hide my power, my voice, my drive, my momentum, my spirit. And I can and do do this alongside my focused, grounded, wise ad intentional self. The one that drops out of the mind time and time and time again. Where is my focused, and where do I want it to go. Into the core of the earth, into the world that I know is wise and safe and grounded.

Simple things, mouthwash in an umami jar. Something that’s trying to get in that’s a foreign entity, something not known of this body and soul. Take a shower, scrub it off. One step at a time. Get into bed, turn off the lights, and go to sleep. The drill sergeant, the one that wants me to follow orders and obey. The voice that wants to rebel. The one that keeps jumping up into my mind, and the heart and root that keeps bringing it all back down.

There’s a better home awaiting in the sky, in the sky, in the sky. Will the circle be unbroken by an by lord by and by? There’s a better home waiting in the sky, lord in the sky.

Remember from the roots, remember from the roots even if you’re blind in this world. Trust what you can see and what you can write in the other. The fear turned to empowerment turned to ignorance turned to release, turned to knowing and then to peace. To fighting and then to war and then to surrendering once more. Getting out of the doorway, the toxic radiation at my face and nose. Back into peace, into recognition, into love and into care. A gentle soul. Tender, frightened and then at peace. Hiding and then coming into the light. Recognition. Falling asleep and then waking up. Back into the moment.

What chains you? Can these be broken? Can these be let go of? Can you forgive yourself and let yourself be free again? Trusting in your medicine, what makes you laugh, what makes you yearn for life, what makes you weep? These questions that get me thinking, that get me dreaming, that get me rerouting back to something that is truly meaningful, and these moments in which I find myself running in circles. Can the circle be unbroken? I know it can. When the circle changes directions and goes back down. Not controlled simply guided, rest child and we will face those fears.