Indescribable and interpretable
I caught freedom in glimmers and I tasted the end. It felt like sweet maple sap and honey crisp apple. Habanero hot sauce and feta cheese and pine nuts. Avacado.
Freedom felt like a destination and not a reward. It felt like something I could get to once and for all if I just figured out the locks right. If I just figured out the correct way to speak and spell and share the dialect of the soul. The younger of Kali swishes out of my mouth and licks my tears an away. Lethargy and disappointment today. A heart cracked, broken, bleeding all over the sidewalk, the black ooze spills forth and I am told that not all black ooze is ‘bad’ and many times it can be healing. A spa day, like the honey and the olive oil in my hair after cleaning. It’ll sit for hours before I wash it clean. Which levels would we like to go to today my dears?
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Today we play, and we make amends and we sew all of our loose seams back together. Today we reinterpret our lives, today we cry just because we can, today and always we let go, we let our hearts break and shatter and fall to the ground and we put ourselves together again. Today we let go on the old ways, old stories, paradise of fear. Today we surrender and we allow the divine to hold and to nurture and to protect us. Today we say yes to experiment. Yes to experiencing more of our truth. Yes to loving without trying so hard. Yes to flying freely and loving deeply and fully and so completely. Today is the day in which we truly surrender and we let go.
To feel the fullness of our heard. Our supportive pack. Those who rub our shoulders and support our backs. Those who taste cool crisp water upon the first initial tongue, too cold for a baby yet perfectly suited for the adult teeth and gums. The strongest bone in the body. Resilient, I used to eat ice cream with my front teeth and I’d hold on so tightly as I tried to let go.
A card of seduction, the allure of false or broken promises, as if I was tricking myself all along. If they don’t give you flowers: kick them to the curb. That’s why I buy flowers for myself. No expectations of others leaves no empty space, or no place in which they can fail. I held you up so strong into the light because I wanted you to survive, yet now I know it must be your own decision if you wish to thrive. And so, gently, tenederly, I let you go.
🖤
The balance and the play that comes forth and dances through my veins. For so long I wondered what it’s for, what it is that I am here to do. There was so much confusion, so much noise, so many conflicting voices, who could I trust, who could I lean on, and in that I realize the lure of seduction. The seduction of putting my hopes, dreams, desires in the hands on another, for them to feed me the answer, when it must be what I choose within and all along. The outer world reflects back the inner.
A friendly soul joins me at my table. We hug. They ask how I’m doing, I say I’m learning how to surf, learning the fun of surfing the waves. They mention how they haven’t checked in with themselves recently and connected to faith, so much movement in their life yet they are getting strong. The curate clothes to dress the town in vintage shades of the rainbow and they are pure and clear and bright. My heart expands.
I spoke of going to the depths, then swimming back up. I said how I learned to swim and surf out of necessity. Sometimes I forget that I can just climb onto a boat, or even go to shore and play and rejoice on land. I realize there’s no point in shoving a square peg through a circle hole, and it’s better to just surrender it all and allow the divine to move me.
It can all become clear, and I receive this now. Time and patience and the slow unfolding.
Why have I been holding on? Why must we always know? So there’s no sinking, so there’s no falling down, though I know I wish to receive the pearls from down there. I wish for someone to hold the basket of collections and so it is and so it is and so it is.
Relax your jaw. Surrender your mind. Nothing needs to be forced, nothing needs to be done or figured out. All there is is opening and safety and security within your being. Here’s laying back upon the waves and letting the current take you where you need to go. Trusting your inner waters and your pure intentions. You need not be afraid of where and how the current takes you and moves you.
Each day go down, I hear to my left. Trust your clear intentions, i speak aloud. I provided prayers and I felt release and the questions of all of these filler words. What is it that I’m navigating around? What is it that really needs to die?
Smile I hear, the attachment. The entity with the rows of teeth. The one who isn’t true. The one who made me feel like I had to hide away from my self and my power. I smelt aquarium in the air. From the sea, or the sea will wash it clean. I know. Together, tighter we grow. So many souls that I do not know that I classified as gray yet are simply unexplored yet. Everyone with inner words, complete, dynamic and whole inner worlds.
Have you really changed? Have I? Can I tell you the full truth, can I feel safe enough to cry and know my power in the earth, deep within my body, I lived so far off in the ether for so long and I was reminded of boundaries. And so I let you go and I choose me and I choose what it feels like to embody light and choosing to hold love and forgiveness for all. Maybe I am wrong, maybe I’ve been wrong all along and I can go get a mansion off the coast of Massachusetts and send my sadness into the cold ocean waves and pray over a lighthouse that I neglected to be because I let my sorrow drown me. Maybe I could do that, maybe I could. Or maybe I could rise. Maybe I could allow myself to be lit up like the lightening shoes of a toddler boy with eyes that could see straight though me if I held their contact for longer than a sideways glance.
The seduction is within the game of disempowerment; and the grounded, whole, sustainable truth is within allowing the sacred earth mother to deliver her messages of love. No matter how hard it may feel to accept. A heart cracked open bleeds black.
You need not be afraid of what is being shared with you, of the necessity of letting go, and what else you must hold tight to. It’s your own soul, your heart, yet when and as we surrender we realize that there really is no need to hold on for all that we need just comes towards us. It’s magnetizing. And we are the attractors. You are everything you’ve ever wanted to be and more, you are truth and you need not be so serious. The senior dog across the street barked and encouraged the safe keeping of a newborn puppy. A puppy named moose. So carefree, so loyal, and so much to learn.
There’s nothing you need to hold onto, the earth will feed you all the answers you need in each individual spoonful, in each perfect moment.
Allow yourself to be held,
Allow yourself to be healed.
♥️🩸
A kind woman walks by and winks at me and I use these words as my opportunity to sit back and to relax and recieve. This is the space of ease and opening. This is the ability and the way to ground. A scattered friend finds her calm within the strum of guitar and clear voice. She’s up next, sooner rather than later. I heal through you, I heal me. I heal me and we rise. We remember and we recognize that we’ve already been healed and all that there is to be is just to be and to let go, and to relax and let yourself be held. No need for struggle no more.
You are free. You are free. I am free. We are free.
Fly free.
