Everyday is a winding road

I sat in a coffee shop and was told all the intricacies of quantum physics. I brought up the point “yet what of love? Where does love tie into all of this? I’d love the missing piece that quantum physics and all the sciences have not yet brought into the equation?

I hold myself to high standards of presentation. Of holding love. Being love. Exuding love. Yet what of the times when it falls away? When it no longer colors my heart or mind or soul? When the strength of the void, the pressure upon my limbs becomes too much to carry, too much to uphold. What then? I can question for days, weeks, lifetimes until I finally fall back into that sanctuary within. That space of all loving awareness. Of understanding, of compassion. Of breath. And here amidst all the noise and all the chaos and all the movements, I begin to understand. To comprehend what it really all is for.

I learned that there’s the force that holds things together, brought together with force, like two magnets of opposing sides being wrapped up in tape to hold this energy, how the body, the object, the thing, the idea, whatever it is gets stored until it is released at a later day or moment. How the force required to bring things of opposites together can be built up until the moment when that energy is needed. I brought forth the idea of the expanding of the heart. How it aches sometimes, to breathe and breathe and breathe into it, in moments of tension of challenge or conflict, yet how this loving energy then can get stored to be used when the time is right. Though it may feel like opposition, it is a series of moments that collects and expands and creates an aura or energy of expanse eventually, when the time for release or shattering comes. I wonder how this works within the idea of going with the flow, for when the water asks us to move, we can get swept up, washed away down with the waves. Yet what of the rock that stays in place within the river, that does not move, yet holds its ground as all the water rushes around it, consistently pushing and forcing against its place, dense and sturdy within its position. Does this rock, this stone, this being hold energy as the opposition of magnets do? Ready to be released at one moment, when the water becomes so forceful that it releases its place within the earth to be swept farther downstream, to have a whole new set of experiences in a different place along the riverbed. All the energy that was stored beneath it gets churned up too, releasing space for the creatures that lived beneath it to have a whole new set of experiences and to live and love an entirely new life because they no longer are held in place by the force of the stone. In this great upheaval, the whole form of the riverbed changes, forever in a new structure that wasn’t available before. And this is always changing, for each time the water pushes against the rock, a new microscopic layer of sediment is released, sent downstream. The rock is forever changing, even if just barely, just as the river is always moving. Changing the land around it.

Is the force and power of love the force and power that makes all this movement and change possible? Is the wisdom of the River, in relation to the wisdom of the rock working in harmony with one another? Knowing that at the very special moment in time, the rock must be sent downstream in order to provide a breeding ground for new life, just as the life that was formed and lived underneath the stones previous home needed its opportunity to live in the rushing river, away from the shelter of a dense rock. Just as the river wishes to live a new life with new rock patterns to move around just as the rock wishes to live a new life in the space it resides in for the time being farther downstream. I presume that none of these beings feel fear, the River as it moves, the rock as it holds the ground and then uplifts and tumbles forward, the creatures that were born and lived underneath now open to such newness, or even the creatures that were killed in the place where the rock finally lands squashing little creatures out of existence. I wonder if this is all the power of the Goddess, the great earth mother, of love, knowing and trusting within the movements and the cycles and the beginnings and the endings and all the transformations in between. I wonder if love is the force that knows how and when and why to make this all happen, seamlessly, with death and life constantly being brought forth and taken away. Love knows what to do, love knows where to go, love knows how to move us, with steadiness or with force or with flow or with grace, love knows where to best place us within our lives, within the lives of others, in order to benefit and transform and continue on with the endless processes of change and transformation. I like to assume that the River loves this experience just as much as the rock just as much as the creatures and the trees that watch overhead. Just as much as love loves to make it all happen. Just as much as I love to be a part of the witnessing and experiencing of it all. Death and rebirth, Pain and pleasure, rock and river, breath and love forever.

If we are both the River and the stone, and the creatures that are born underneath the loving care and support of both, the observer, and the feeler, we have made our way home. Great mother of creation and destruction in the perfect place through the power of love.

Is destiny already written? Or is it coming forth wherever my feet land, wherever my heart opens, where ever my breath expands? Can quantum physics spell out my life’s plan for me, or can only love do that? As I hop from experience to experience, timeline to timeline, I learn that it all is fluid and moving and changing and the only thing that’s truly real is the love that lives within me, that powers my movements, and pushes me forth into greater exploration with playful passionate curiosity. Nothing ever is set in stone, and love with always, without a sliver of a doubt, perfectly guide the way.

I remember that it’s safe to trust again, and when things don’t work out, it’s because something far better for my soul is coming my way. Calling me in, bringing me home. No holding, no force, just breath and love and becoming. Forever.