Surrendering
One, two three, four, who is that crazy girl knocking at my door. Repulsive and serene, she looks like you, she acts like me. She is one and the same with all that is wild and untamed and unruly. How does anyone hold their boundaries? How does anyone hold their peace with weights tied to ankles I told myself it was to build strength, yet now I feel tired, I feel weak and defeated. The spark has not yet left my heart though, and my heart shall live on even if my body gives out, my heart shall thrive and prosper even if all light is taken from my life. My heart will grow and expand and continue to beat like a steady war drum, Hekates invitation into the underneath. She welcomes you in, she teaches you the magic that’s always flowing within. The girl becomes the crone and all learn from one another. No need to turn away dear one, no need to hide. Your home is found within the unknown. That’s what makes you so vital, that’s what makes you so alluring, enchanting. Pulling others in with your very essence, for they too know the bounty, though it’s just underneath the common mind, of stepping out into uncharted territory. Of becoming their own creators from the ashes and from the mist. From the ugly places, the foreign spaces. The parts where ghouls and demons and angels reside. It’s the places that are full of the gray, gray painted over in color for now you are seeing in vibrancy again. What is your offering? Is it your life? Is the spell you are now casting the one in which all of you surrenders and lets go?
For the choice is now yours. Where do you decide the page break, where do you decide the next chapter? What draws the lines of fate, is that even in your own power? Surly not of the mind you once knew, or you would’ve been dead long ago, drowning in a stew of your own excrement. It filtered out into the water and you drank it in. To fill the lungs just enough for them to collapse. To push yourself just to the appropriate edge to reach a breakthrough, you’ve been pushing, pushing, pushing long and hard my dear, a mule out to work by your own master. A claim to a different one upon your shoulders yet you were the one who chose them to be there. What now? If not this? If there’s no master other than the one cultivated within? No more elephants riding around in a pen, over and over and over again. Marathon training, 10 miles around your living room couch, is that the definition of insanity? If it works then maybe it’s a valuable option, different strokes for different folks I guess.
What about the dead rabbits, the two that have found their way, yet not entirely keeled over yet. A product of your own driving, another caught in the mouth of your beloved feline, neither yet deceased. I watched a bug land as its surrendered eye slowly blinked. Still in the mouth of a beast, it let go, no fear was present. Yet how? How could a being be so entirely engulfed in the mouth of another and simply accept their fate? Their death? And just let go. Is it peaceful there? To just know when it is that you will die? For it has found its way upon you and you stare right back into its eye? Is that what a life lived so entirely in devotion, so entirely entangled with the wild and serene mother Gaia means? Does it mean surrender? Does it mean seeing the reflection of angst and anger and discomfort in another and feeling love through and through? A reflection of me, is this how we become free? Open in the face of death, leads to true serenity.
