I don’t mind
Just give it time. There’s big fish in the pond and all that there is is my breath and I seem to keep pushing, pushing pushing pushing, trying to get out of this space. I breathe because this is all that I know. What if no one wants to fool with me? Living in the real world? Being all alone? This is what the songs say, good being on my own, fun to kick it alone. Yet, yet, there’s no need to grasp, there’s no need to prod, there’s only letting go. There’s only letting go, there’s sinking back, wanting to be held, wanting to be protected. Am I really all alone, all on my own in this real world? I guess it can be fun, it can be whatever it is that I wish to create. What it is that I wish to focus on? In the center of the wheel, present in my body, I wish to follow what lights me up, what makes life feel like fun, what makes like feel like living, what makes my days feel like I’m experiencing the dream, not holding on so tightly, more just experimenting and experiencing. Yet what of the depth? For that’s what I crave, that’s all it seems that I want.
A fairytale beginning. Something of depth, something that is beneath the surface, something that makes it all make sense.
A HEART THAT KEEPS ON BEATING.
A heart that keeps beating. My focus as my currency. Strength in attention, in not turning away from the light. Relentless in seeing the beauty of who you are, the beautify of who I am. Leaning back into all it is that I am.
Hold close to faith, for that’s what we have to keep us going through this whole thing. The thing that keeps my feet on the ground and my head lifted and my heart open. My body that craves rest and to be held. And the letting go, yet not going far from what it is that I know. What it is.
The magic of the midnight sun, and the kingdom that needs us and the dreams that never die, they just transform into what truly is. What truly is.
With ease and with grace, finding our way out of the maze, trusting in this moment, the leaning back, into opening.
The feeling of lifting off. The tears in my eyes. What else is it all for? What else is it all for if not for love? If not for being close, for holding a lover near, for trusting so fully in another to let go into their arms, their body, they essence, their embrace?
What I see I know to be real because it comes through the portals and the vessels of my heart and I refuse to turn away from the truth. I will sit under the moonlight, the completely dark sky, I will feel the light within my heart as my guide.
As I lean back into, so too do you, we won’t play a game against one another when we work from our hearts, relaxed into the home within.
You won’t be alone in it, you aren’t alone in it anymore.
Yet how could I have been so wrong before? How could I have gotten so far away? How come? To live in death is to live away from love. We let death in in order to know love, to find love within death. Love within.
How do we let go of the fears that have their holds? We lean into love, we lean into the feelings of the body. The wondrous drownings of the body, that open and enter us like a star. Willing to sacrifice it all for some vision I saw, felt, understood. Yet I won’t let you sleep in a town, in a space that hurts you as you move through it. How can you? I crave to stay awake, even if it hurts, even as it burns, so I will breathe, and hope that we will breathe together.
I hear that you will see me again, and not to worry, to put the safety on your guns. I won’t back down from truth, from what I feel. It’s impossible for me, and I won’t turn away. I will sleep yet the sleep will show me more of you, it will show me more of all of this, until we move through it.
The realms I discover, the realms I move through, I do from my heart. I do not wish for you to go through life in pain, I wish for you to feel safe and well and good within your body. But, to meet you in suffering, to go through it together, is stronger and truer and clearer than anything I could ever give to you from my hands. What you experience, I do too. I wish to know, I wish to be there no matter the intensity. I will let go, I will respect, I will go far away if that’s what you crave yet my heart will stay steadfast, my heart will not cave.
You may seek to send me away, banish me to some far away place, yet to be without is a more lonely and painful place than to be with you while you’re within it. Within the realms of deep pain, I will meet you, will be there. I will not force it but I also will not run. I won’t run away for I meet me there. I meet you there. Together, we meet ourselves. Reclaim, heal, bring forth. Unite.
It’s all connected now, for what you feel, I feel too, for what you understand I do too.
