When resistance comes in hot

And we don’t know what to do, what do we go towards? Where do we turn to? When the heart just aches and aches and burns and yearns and I’ve been at it for centuries, oh dear god, oh golly gee, will I ever just be happy? Will it sustain? Will it last all night? Will it see me through until the morning light? Or am I in for months, months, months, years, an entire lifetime of it?

There’s resistance to the call because in it me hurts to fucking fall. To feel, to know, to love. There’s resistance to pain because in it I don’t know what I gain other than a portal into it all. Yet what’s it all for if not for love? If not for the heavens up above? I wish, I yearn, I pray for them to live around and through and within me.

And here, now, there’s a gap in the clouds, there’s a reprieve, there’s a lucky break. There’s peace, there’s spaciousness again. And, and, and now, I yearn! While the lion roars, while the piping is hot! I yearn for something, or all that I’ve got! I yearn for pleasure and I yearn for play, something, anything to get me through the day…. Because these present tasks are stripping me dry, they’re running me ragged, they’re making me cry, for all there is is me in this space. Me and the emptiness. My heart and the abyss. Nothing behind the present drop moment where all healing occurs. That’s why I hid behind the branches and looms of others stories, of their hidden tombs, because to escape into the realms of another means a break from my own. A break from the waves, there’s crashing and crescendo of water, of life, of the self, of everything that comes up and forth and through when I’m just here I present with me, when I’m here present with you. There’s no where to run to, there’s no place to hide, there’s only this moment, the one play to reside.

It will reveal treasures though don’t get too caught. This inky passageway is living beyond thought. Living beyond repetition, living beyond the mundane, it’s living in this moment and it’s rewiring your brain. The heart knows what to do, use your senses, and feel your way through.