The story writes itself

The story writes itself and the path unfolds it all. I create two piles, I say this is for this one option, and this other is for something else. I pull a distinction between the two, I draw the line very clearly in the sand. I know which will be which and which will be not, but then, I relax and I put my feet up and I allow things to settle and shuffle and soon the pile on the left has now joined the pile on the right. Now the piles are mixed up together and the place from which I said ‘No’ to, now seems to show a broader and grander story, one that holds and unfolds with all the things that I may want and need. The piles have come together. It’s no longer this or that, it’s a decision, and then it’s a release and then it’s a surrender and it’s a letting go. And now I don’t really know, yet I do know what it is that I want, and I do know what it is that I need, yet still I seem to hold back, hold back hold back.

I am a go getter to my core. If something hasn’t found me I tend to go after it. Is that the opposite to the way that things are meant to be? Shouldn’t I just sit back, relax and receive? Yet what if what I want never really comes to me? What if it never finds me?

I’ve been basing my decisions off the dreams I’ve had. I’ve been making moves from what I feel upon waking. Will I ever really know what to do? Will I ever really know what is real unless I bring my dreams forth into the waking world?

I have been told that what I share with others resonates for them, and still I feel myself gripping and holding and trying so hard to maintain some semblance of control. In the realms of dreams I don’t have control, I simply let go, I am guided yet I let go and I go towards what it is that I need to do, what it is that I need to share, what it is that needs to be done. And fuck I just want someone to fight for me. To stand up and say “I am not leaving your side, we are doing this together”. In my dreams there is care, in my dreams I am held, in my dreams I remember.

Through the shit and through the light, I am held and we wake up together.