A point of sale
Writing to find my way back into that space of safety, of understood surrender, for isn’t that what we’re always doing? Trying to find our way back to the spaces that feel good? Allowing the waves to take us, to move us where they need us to be. The waves seem to know how to move us, for water is everything that we are, a forest fire or some tree bark, water is everything that we are, it’s what bonds us all, it’s what pulls us together. The ability, the capacity to feel, to know, to empathize means to understand. To move with compassion, to say, I know you, I see you, and I understand, yet what of when our own bodies, our own hearts ask this of ourselves? To be present to be here, to just breathe and listen to our own souls, what then? Do we give it to ourselves?
Do we write stories, do we draw lines of understanding, dirty tricks to try and make it all make sense, to get away from the feeling or to get to the other side. To finally feel good again. Write a poem or sing a song in order to feel it in full again, for my heart seems to be breaking again. My soul is bleeding and I don’t know how to stop and it feels dramatic and it feels immense. Abysmal and small in comparison to the fire, the force that is behind everything and anything that I am, can I really be anything at all? Am I when I feel so small?
Am I anything other than the one experiencing the waves, am I anything other than the one who tames and tends and greets the fire, sings her sweet songs, respects her prayers and handles her with care, am I anything if not just the tender of it all? Am I anything at all when all it is that I do is feel, am I really anything at all? Asking out into the unknown.
I am. I am everything, and so full of life. A breath breathed upon fresh lungs as if taken in by the wind. I am summer sun, I am winters snow. I am radiance and decadence and light and magic. I am beauty, I am light. I am eternal and forever love, for forever love is who I am. A vow, an oath, a promise, and from this I live forever true. True to me and true to you. Bright, clear, a song of liberation. I have been brought clean, I have been heard, I have been loved and in this I vow to live, to love, eternal. Eternal.
